A Letter That Waits To Be Read
by DragonsRuleYourDreams12
Summary: Ed leaves after him and Al get into a big arguement. Al writes a letter to his beloved Brother, even though Ed vowed never to talk or come back to him. This chapter is the letter. This will be updated in my free time often. Disclaimer: I don't own FMA!
1. Dear Brother,

Dear Brother,

I wish I could tell you about the things that weigh us down. I wish I could tell you what floats around in my head every night. I wish you could know. But what you don't makes you stronger. It makes us able to pursue our goal. Because I can't hold onto it anymore. It hurts too much. I really, really trusted you. I really, really trusted my life, my heart in your hands. And you dropped it. I am thankful that you picked it up, but... I can't stand to hide the crack anymore. It's tearing me apart and I hate it.

I wish you could know how long I've been lost. How many times I've looked around without being able to see. Without being able to even walk. And yet I did. I forced my legs to move on That Day. I forced myself up when all I wanted to do was stay down. And I forced myself to execpt myself. To execpt us. What we've become. When all we really have been is monsters. Selfish monsters. And I know that's cruel to say, but it's true. Teacher always said we'd arrive on the truth I've arrived to it, even though you saw the gate. She ment that we'd know where to go, even though we had no light. That, once our door opened, we had to go threw it. When all we've been doing is forcing it closed. Thinking we've been doing good. And it's tearing me apart.

If only you knew what I am. If only I knew what I am. I hide in my armor because I have no other place to go. Because I'm stuck in it. But you execpted me. I think. At least, you did. Then I was left so alone. I can only wonder... Why?

Brother, why did you do this to me? Why did you make me trapped in this? Winry and Granny always have... Been so off. I've been hurting and all alone...

Winry took your side. She's been with you and... And she sees me, but we aren't friends anymore. Brother, it feels like we aren't even family. It feels like we knew each other. No more than we met at the library and... And we were talking, then you knocked my books from my hands and left. I don't know what I did. But I want to make it right. But Teacher won't let me.

I don't know how come I feel so bad and how come it makes me lonely, but I just am lost. I can't find my path because I was so used to you leading the way. Whenever anybody made a comment about my armor or the way I was, you would knock them upside the head. I know it wasn't right for you to do it, but it somehow made the thing they said not so bad. Now it just haunts me because I can't stand up for myself.

And christmas time is very hard. Winry will come and want a very big an expensive gift, one that I want to but can't get her. Then she'll throw something tiny and worth little thought in my face, almost as if she has to. Even if I did get her the gift she wanted. But you somehow manage to get her something better, and she won't talk to me until I do something equil. It didn't used to be that way. Now, because I can't pull strings like you can, I'm nowhere close to being friends with her.

Nobody wants to talk to me anymore. Because you convinced them that I wasn't worth it. That I was big and scary. Why did you do that to me? I loved you, Brother. Very much. Why did you backstab me like that?

The moon isn't bright like it used to be. I hear others talking about how winter is even colder then last year. It's a good thing I can't feel it. Because, if I did, I would have to suffer even worse alone. You forgot my birthday. I still remember yours. I even thought about getting you something. But you forgot.

Now I'm all alone. The dark isn't so scary. Dad came and visited. He brought me a picture of Mom. He wished you were there. Even though you didn't like him, he loves you. He asked me to tell you that.

I hope your new apartment is okay. I hope it's big enough to hold all your books. And pictures you took of Mom and Winry. I hope you finally have a desk big enough so you can put all your millitary papers in it. The assesment is coming up. Try not to forget your report. I was cleaning our old room just the other day. I found an old card I got for you about a year, two years ago. It was torn in half and half and written on in ink. It said something like, "You wear you're heart on your sleeve, I only tried to help you fill the empty space inside of you, you were never good enough, what you made us believe in was crap, go to heck.", but it was torn, as I said, so I couldn't read it all the way. I really thought that card was special, but...

I hope you have enough to eat every day. Kepe yourself in shape. I don't know why I don't hate you. But I don't. So please stop telling the others that I'm scary and big and not worth their time. Because I loved you and you loved me. I put up with a lot and so did you. I beg you, Brother, please stop.

Perhaps the wounds will heal with time. I hope they do. Signed, Your Brother,

Alphonse Elric

* * *

**This is like a little letter from me(being Alphonse), to my old friend(being Ed). Everything mentioned in here happened to me. My other old friend is like Winry. Everything is true in this, only I made it FMA style. Everything. Even down to the point of the card. If you read this, and you know who you are, I want you to know that I'm not holding any grudges. I only wish you'd stop stealing my friends and telling the others that I'm horrible, even though you knew I'd give my life for you. Thanks for reading. Reviews? I'd love them. Thanks again. **

** ~DragonsRuleYourDreams12~ **


	2. Hastey Reply

Ed's eyes slowly widened as they scanned the paper that had just been freshly taken out of it's envolope. They didn't come across the words written, but to the bottom, to the signature. Where the pen had started to shake and left the final 'c' scribbled and messy(A/N: The 'c' is from the end of the last name, Alphonse Elri_c_. _Elri__**c**_.), just like he did when he was writing to Winry and started to shake because it's contents was too much to bear. It was then his eyes worked their way up and he decided to sit in his chair and read it. It was then that his eyes started to burn and his jaw was left wide open but with nothing to say. He had been so foolish as to get up and leave. To put the one he loved most through so much tourmoil. He had seen Al walking around town a few times. And Al always held his head low and looked to the ground. His walk was slow and dragged, instead of long and happy. He walked with nobody at his side and was just--... Just... So sad.

He pounded his fist on the desk, on top of the letter. But his old Teacher and new reputation bound him agenst anything he desired now. He couldn't, just _couldn't_ be seen with Al anymore, especially after all the trash talk he had done. And Winry-- Would she accept it or decline it? Al was obviously lonely and torn up. But he couldn't do anything about it. He had left him but a suit of empty armor, then, agenst their promise to each other, the biggest thing in their life, he had up and left, thinking he was better. Was he a State Alchemist with too much pride, or a monster without a heart? Ever since the state had slapped the tital of "Fullmetal" on him, Ed had become cold. To that, there was no denial. But never in his life would he have ever imagined he'd caused so much pain in such a person.

Ed got up from the chair and went outside. The room was either too hot or too cramped, he thought. Because that must be the reason he was thinking so irrationally. And what that hunk of metal had said was true. It was getting colder at night, and the moon wasn't very bright anymore. Why would he care, though? At least he wasn't some _freak_ sitting up and staring at it all night. Why, Ed thought he'd be better off if there wasn't a moon. He crossed his arms and sighed. He looked back into his room. He had left the door wide open. He imagined a large suit of armor sitting somewhere near the bed, gazing up at the stars and moon, then glancing back at the bed, as if he were checking on it's inhabitents. Ed knew this was what Al had done for years and cringed. Then the vision was gone no later than a second after he had seen it.

He rubbed his arms and his fingers came across his smoothe auto-mail. It hadn't been damaged in a while, let alone scratched. He wondered if he should still go on with his goal. His limbs didn't mean much anymore, but come to think of it, they never really had. He looked, mentally, at his list of things that needed to be done. He could cross out shopping. It was weird because he was so used to Al doing all of it. He needed to get more oil for his arm and leg, then-- The Assesment! He put that at the top of his list, and even remembered not to do his report on the train. It looked sloppy and since he had a lot more time on his hands now, there was no reason for it anymore. God, Al did provide him with a lot of excuses. He scrolled threw the rest of it, but nothing seemed to make him need to do any of it. There was only one thing that ran threw his head as he started his report. He made a bulleted list of things he should include.

_Tested Chimera syliva(_Al_) _

_Found homunculus(_Al_) bones_

_Found person who knew information(_Al_) on the Philosiphers stone _

_Taken in chimera for lab(_Al_) testing_

_Found information on tanted blood(_Al_) in files _

_Found cure for chimera-related(_Al_) infections _

Ed chucked his pencil at the wall. It was no use on writing anything right now. He should've thrown away that stupid letter the moment he got it from Mustang. He crumpled it up and chucked it to the ground and threw himself on his bed. He wanted to throw some kind of a fit, like the ones he used to have when people called him short. Like the ones when Al would grab him and hold onto him and tell him to calm down. He didn't know how, but those big, cold hands would make him stop. Not like a cage, but like a child feels when they have a nightmare and then they're guardian or parent is there to comphort them. That's how Ed felt when Al sat next to him every night.

Ed kicked the edge of the bed and gritted his teeth. The guilt was killing him. He looked at a picture frame on the stool beside his bed. There was a picture of him and Al, when they were little. Al was wearing a black tank-top with dark tan shorts, and Ed was wearing a blue button-up shirt and light tan shorts. He had a smile painted across his face as he held his fishing pole up in triumph. Al was standing just below him, holding a fish on a string they had caught, his smile just as victorious, but his eyes closed.

_When me and Al caught out first fish. _He thought, and smiled. But he felt a stab of guilt and knocked it over. He rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. He grasped the sheets in his hands, then let go. Ed rolled back over and slid off the bed, shoving his hands in his pockets. He was restless. He looked back over at the moon, but knew what had to be done.

He pulled himself to the desk and slowly sat down. He got a pen from a small box on the corner of the black desk. He pulled a piece of paper from the bottom of a small drawer hidden by a box of books. They toppled over to the floor as he pulled the drawer shut.

His fingers clasped around the plastic pen as he brought it to the paper. He grudgingly scribbled a few lines, paused, then a few more. He leaned back and set his pen down, then grabbed the paper and held it up to examine.

The ink was illuminated by the light coming from the lamp in the other corner of the desk.

_ Dear Al, _

_ I don't know what to say. I can't be the brotherly figure you need me to be, especially after what I've been doing. It wouldn't be right. And I couldn't allow myself to go back into your life like nothing ever happened, although we both want it. I realy have no reason to say what I have been, but I guess it's because people like you better. It's just that "Older Brothers' Pride" thing kicking in. _

_ When we were trying to bring Mom back, it wasn't because I wanted to hurt you. It's because I thought it was the right thing to do. And words will never be able to explain the way I feel. I never ment to hurt you. Please execpt that. _

_ I'm sorry. _

_~Ed _


	3. Lyrics of the Same Thought

Al exidedly took the letter from the mailman's hands. He hoped it was a reply from the animal shelter, accepting his job acplication. Or from the vet. About the cat he had named "Milky" that he had found on the street. Al was cerious about how the kitten was doing. He dashed back to Winry's house, the place he best called home.

He greeted her and wet to his room. Ever since Ed had left, Winry gave him the guest bedroom. It didn't have a bed, and that was fine with Al, seeing as he wouldn't use it much. It did have three bookshelves, two chairs, a table, a stool, and a large desk with three drawers. He had made the library-sized bookshelves with alchemy, and they were placed up agenst three walls of the room. The other wall was occupied by a desk, a door, and the free space, a few pictures of him and his dad and mom and brother and Winry. The chairs were a few feet in front of the shelves, allowing just enough space for his big metal body to squeeze through and get materials he desired. The table was in front of the chairs, and the stool was beside the door. Al often liked to leave a vase of flowers or even a cup of tea for Winry when she wanted to come in. Sometimes he'd leave notes for Winry to know that he had gone out for a moment. He knew she liked to know where he was, or at least have a faint idea.

He sat at his desk and switched on a small lamp just on the corner. He tore the envolope open without reading whon the sender was. He saw the yellowed paper inside and knew. Just knew. Al took the letter out slowly, his eyes blasting confusion throughout his body. He carefully and slowly unfolded it and set it on the desk. He read, even slower and more gentle, each line, right down to where Ed had signed.

Al knew he couldn't feel it, but he gently touched the name at the bottom, as if he were savoring it for later. He ran his fingers slowly up the paper, right to his name, then pulled his hand away. He looked up and sighed. Sighed from relief, not submition. He looked at the letter once more, as if to comferm it's existance, and got up. He stuffed the letter inside the small tan pouch tied around the right leg of his armor and scribbled something on a piece of paper, then set it on the stool beside the door. He hurridly raced out of the house and streight to HQ.

Maybe it was his worry that made him collapse.

_(Just some fun lyrics that fit the mood_

**Pat Green- **

**Wave on Wave**

**Mile upon mile, got no direction, **

**We're all playing the same game. **

**We're all looking for redemption **

**Just afraid to say the name **

**So caught up now in pretending, **

**That what we're seekin' is the truth. **

**I'm just looking for a happy ending, **

**All I'm looking for is you. **

**You came upon me wave on wave, **

**You're the reason I'm still here, yeah **

**Am I the one you were sent to save? **

**You came upon me wave on wave. **

**I wondered out into the water, **

**And thought that I might drown. **

**I dunno what I was after, **

**I just know I was going down. **

**That's when you found me, **

**I'm not afraid anymore. **

**You said, "You know I always had you baby,**

**Just waitin' for you to find what you were looking for." **

**You came upon me wave on wave**

**You're the reason I'm still here. **

**Am I the one you were sent to save, **

**When you came upon me wave on wave? **

**Wave on wave. **

**Wave on wave. **

**You came upon me wave on wave, **

**You're the reason I'm still here. **

**Am I the one you were sent to save, **

**When you came upon me wave on wave? **

**The clouds broke and the angels cried, **

**You ain't gotta walk alone, **

**That's why he put me in your way, **

**And you came upon me wave on wave. **

**You came upon me wave on wave, **

**You're the reason I'm still here. **

**Am I the one you were sent to save? **

**When you came upon me wave on wave? **

**Wave on wave.**

**Delta Goodrem-**

**Innocent Eyes**

**  
****Do you remember when you were 7?  
And the only thing that we wanted to do  
Was show our mom that we could play the piano  
Ten years have passed  
And the one thing that lasts  
Is that same old song that we played along and made our momma cry**

I miss those days and I miss those ways  
When I got lost in fantasies  
In a cartoon land of mysteries  
In a place you won't grow old in a place you won't feel cold and I'll sing

Da da da da da da da da da da da da  
Seems I'm lost in my reflection  
Da da da da da da da da da da da da  
Find a star for my direction  
Da da da da da da da da da da da da  
For the little girl inside who won't just hide  
Don't let me see mistakes and lies  
Let me keep my faith and innocent eyes

Do you remember when you were 15?  
And the kids at school called me a fool cause I took the chance to dream  
In the time that's past and the one thing that lasts  
Is that same old song that we played along and made our daddy cry

I miss those days and I miss those ways  
When I got lost in fantasies  
In a cartoon land of mysteries  
In a place you won't grow old in a place you wont feel cold and I'll sing

Da da da da da da da da da da da da  
Seems I'm lost in my reflection  
Da da da da da da da da da da da da  
Find a star for my direction  
Da da da da da da da da da da da da  
For the little girl inside who wont just hide  
Don't let me see mistakes and lies  
Let me keep my faith and innocent eyes

Under my feeling under my skin  
Under the thoughts from within  
Learning the subtext  
Of the mind  
See creation how where defined

My innocent eyes

I miss those days and I miss those ways  
When I got lost in fantasies  
In a cartoon land of mysteries  
In a place you won't grow old in a place you won't feel cold and I'll sing

Da da da da da da da da da da da da  
Seems I'm lost in my reflection  
Da da da da da da da da da da da da  
Find a star for my direction  
Da da da da da da da da da da da da  
For the little girl inside who wont just hide  
Don't let me see mistakes and lies  
Let me keep my faith and innocent eyes

Da da da da da da da da da da da da  
Faith and innocent eyes  
Da da da da da da da da da da da da  
Faith and innocent eyes  
Da da da da da da da da da da da da  
For the little girl inside who wont just hide  
Don't let me see mistakes and lies  
Let me keep my faith and innocent eyes  


**Avril Lavinge-**

**Why**

**Why, do you always do this to me  
Why, couldn't you just see it through me  
How come, you act like this  
Like you just don't care at all  
Do you expect me to believe  
I was the only one to fall**

I can feel I can feel you near me  
Even though you're far away  
I can feel I can feel you baby  
Why

It's not supposed to feel this way  
I need you I need you  
More and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you I need you I need you  
Tell me

Are you and me still together  
Tell me  
Do you think we could last forever  
Tell me  
Why

Hey  
Listen to what we're not saying  
Let's play  
A different game then what we're playin'  
Try  
To look at me and really see my heart  
Do you expect me to believe, I'm gonna let us fall apart

I can feel I can feel you near me  
Even when you're far away  
I can feel I can feel you baby  
Why

It's not supposed to feel this way  
I need you I need you  
More and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you I need you I need you  
Tell me

Are you and me still together  
Tell me  
You think we could last forever  
Tell me  
Why

so go and think about  
whatever you need to think about  
Go on dream about  
Whatever you need to dream about  
Then come back to me  
When you know just how you feel, you feel

I can feel I can feel you near me  
Even though you're far away  
I can feel I can feel you baby  
Why

It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you I need you  
More and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you I need you I need you  
Tell me

It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you I need you  
More and more each day  
It's not supposed to hurt this way  
I need you I need you I need you  
Tell me

Are you and me still together  
Tell me  
You think we could last forever  
Tell me  
Why  


**Nickelback-**

**Photograph**

**Look at this photograph  
Every time I do it makes me laugh  
How did our eyes get so red?  
And what the hell is on Joey's head?**

This is where I grew up  
I think the present owner fixed it up  
I never knew we ever went without  
The second floor is hard for sneakin' out

This is where I went to school  
Most of the time had better things to do  
Criminal record says I broke in twice  
I must've done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it's too late  
Should I go back and try to graduate?  
Life's better now than it was back then  
If I was them, I wouldn't let me in  
Oh oh oh  
Oh god I, I

Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye

Goodbye

Remember the old arcade  
Blew every dollar that we ever made  
The cops see us hanging out  
They said somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio  
And sing along with every song we know  
We said someday we'd find out how it feels  
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim's the first girl I kissed  
I was so nervous that I nearly missed  
She's had a couple of kids since then  
I haven't seen her since God knows when  
Oh oh oh  
Oh god I, I

Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on the bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye

I miss that town  
I miss the faces  
You can't erase  
You can't replace it  
I miss it now  
I can't believe it  
So hard to stay  
Too hard to leave it

If I could relive those days  
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it  
Time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye

Look at this photograph  
Every time I do it makes me laugh  
Every time I do it makes me...

**~Please thank sing365 . com, because I used it to find the lyrics(I don't own that, either)~**

**Now, on this special chapter, I have a special song written by moi. **

**How to Replace It**

**By DragonsRuleYourDreams12**

**(to tune of ****Photograph*****above*) **

**I wish I knew**

**How to fix you**

**I wish I could**

**You know I would**

**I'd gladly lie**

**If it ment you wouldn't die**

**I'd break in**

**And steal the key **

**Because he has you locked up**

**Why were you cuffed? **

**We both did our wrongs**

**So why must your suffering prolong?**

**I'm sorry**

**I'm sorry**

**Now I'm sitting all alone**

**Wondering how to go on**

**If they made a book on how to replace us**

**God, I'd buy it and fix us up**

**I'm sorry**

**I'm sorry**

**Please**

**This is me shouting out**

**I wish you heard me without a doubt**

**Please try to replace us**

**Because I've had enough**

**I'd gladly lie**

**If it ment you wouldn't die**

**I'd break in**

**And steal the key from our king**

**Because he has you locked up**

**Why were you cuffed?**

**We both did our wrongs**

**So why must your suffering prolong?**

**I'm sorry**

**I'm sorry**

**It's been a few years**

**I wonder just how many tears**

**That I've kept in**

**God, I guess you win**

**I'm sorry**

**I'm sorry**

**I'd gladly lie**

**If it ment you wouldn't die**

**I'd break in**

**And steal the key from our king**

**Because he has you locked up. **

_**Are you liking it? Sorry this is like this. I just always wanted to do something like it. **_

_**Well... Bye, for now! **_


End file.
